I may have found a hobby.  I joined the couch 2 5k team at the local library and ran my first 5k.  In January, I joined Operation ReBoot, which is a fitness/nutrition bootcamp.  I joined about 12 others who needed to get into shape and learn to eat healthy.  Since mid-January, I have lost 27 lbs.  In the healthy way–eating healthy and moving more.  My week was as follows: Monday: Kickboxing; Tuesday: jogging/zumba; Wednesday: jogging; Thursday: Zumba/weighlifting; Friday: jogging; Saturday: bootcamp/Zumba (sometimes).  Sounds obsessive, as a co-worker says.  But, I have found something that I enjoy.  I’ve also learned how to eat healthy and having it taste good.  Not only am I enjoying it–I’m meeting people and fitting into smaller clothes.

I’ve always known Elkana was special.  But, every day, I realize how well we complement each other.  He is calm, while at times I can be high-strung.  He is unregemented, while I thrive on routine.  He absolutely drives me crazy at times, but his unrelenting patience and hardwork makes me know that he will always be the one for me.  Always.  Elkana and Abby are two peas in a pod–he’s a disciplinarian, but also her role model. 

Ohhh Abigail.  She is absolutely fabulous.  Smart, funny, cute, sassy, competitive and everything that a mother hopes for.    She does excellent in preschool and is ready for kindergarten–even though it’s over a year away.  Neverending questions and beautiful curiosity.

Each day, I realize how lucky I really am.

Operation ReBoot.  This is DEFINITELY out of my comfort zone.  It is 9 weeks of fitness/eating healthy boot camp.  It comes with a diet, ahem LIFESTYLE CHANGE, and workouts 5-6 days per week.  The workouts can be on your own (homework) or with the group. 

On Monday, I will be attending my first Zumba class.  If you know me, you know my white girl moves.  I have no rhythm.  I can not keep the beat.  But, after spying on the Zumba class, I feel as if it doesn’t really matter.  It’s more about moving and burning calories.  Abby will be attending as my security blanket.  Only problem with her–whereever she goes, she attracts attention! 

I have to make daily journals of my food/beverage intake and my excercise.  I have a limited caloric intake and the foods have to be “one step from from the source”. 

I’m excited.  I am super nervous.  I am afraid of failure!

1.  Stick with Boot Camp–Not only did I invest money into this, I have people at work and home supporting me.  I’m exciting to see how hard I can work at something I usually don’t invest energy into.

2.  Run 13.1–I ran a 5k.  Then I slacked off, because, well, I ran a 5k.  I would like to run a half marathon before I turn 27.

3.  Increase my creativity–At home, at work, with Abby.  All around.  I don’t have a specific plan of action for this.  YET.

4.  Patience–I am very patient at work. I get paid to be patient, actually.  But, I feel that I lose some of it at home. 

5.  Stick to a budget–After Elkana started working, I really felt the need to budget.  For once, we would be left with more than $70 in our checking account at the end of the month.  With extra money, I tend to squander it away.  I made a budget last week, and even though Elkana doesn’t really like to discuss things like that, I made him sit down and read it.  He agreed that things were set up fairly.  And, no doubt in my mind, he’ll stick to it.  Now, it’s up to me!

—-

I’m excited about the new year. What’s not to be excited about–I have Abby, Elkana, and a job I enjoy.

This show made me think.  And, I hate thinking. 

I often question what I want to do with my “life”–career-wise.  But the one thing that never wavers—and never will, it the desire to be the best parent possible.  Abigail has been the most constant, and satisfying component of my life. 

I’m very lucky to come from an excellent family.  My parents were always there–every basketball game, parent teacher conference, banquets, graduation….you get the picture.  They have supported me through all the circumstances that  Ihave endured–single motherhood, living FAR away, being laid off (for a short-period, might I add), through another move (not quite as far away,  I would also like to add)….once again, you get the picture.  I’m not sure that I have always expressed my thankfulness.  I know I have given them a couple gray hairs, but I really am the luckiest kid.

After having an ideal childhood, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to give the same to Abby.  A single mom, with a mediocre salary.  Would I be able to give her the support (financially, emotionally, physically, etc) that she deserves?  And, we did very well.  I put everything into my little girl.  And she’s a thriving 3 year old. 

When we moved to Kentucky, I was wondering how our dynamics would change.  Elkana has always been great with Abby.  Even before she met him for the first time, she was in love with him.  I vividly remember the first time she met him.  On the second day, while I was in the kitchen, they were reading and Abby asked “Could you be my daddy?”.  The SECOND day.  And, Elkana, being the geatest guy in the world, answered, “I would love to.”.  He didn’t realize until the next day, that I heard the exchange between the two of them.

So….back to co-habitating.  I knew he loved her.  But, living with a 3 year old, 24/7, can be very trying.  It was evident the first week, that things were going to be okay. 

Elkana and Abigail are like two peas in a pod.  They routinely gang up on Mommy.  And I love every second of it.  Every evening, they “snuggle” on the couch before bed.  If he is at the library studying, he will call to tell her good night.  During spring break, Abigail was lucky enough to get to stay home from daycare.

Single motherhood scare me.  Wait, it TERRIFIED me.  I wanted my little girl to experience what I had growing up.  And, she’s got it. 

I’m probably the luckiest girl in the world.

I really want to get my Master’s.  I’m even enrolled in a Masters of Education–Learning and Behavior Disorders program to start this April.  BUT.  I continually ask myself if I’m sure this is what I want to do.  I truly enjoy working with people who have disabililities and want to help them better their lives. 

I guess it just comes down to money.  Right now, our family is financially stable.  We kinda live paycheck to paycheck, but Elkana is excellent with money.  We both contribute regularly to a savings account (and I’m not allowed to withdraw any money!) .  We split the bills evenly, for the most  part, while taking into account that he works part-time, at minimum wage, while I am salaried.  I don’t get paid a lot, but with his guidance (ha, who am I kidding?! his rules) we are able to get by easier than I ever have.  And, I even get to shop!  

Of course, I will have the same work schedule when I go to school.  Georgetown has an awesome program in which classes are partly online and occasionally meet on campus.  Soooo, our income will not be changing.  And my student loans will be temporarily stopped due to school enrollment (which is about $100/month currently).  I will be able to do my classwork at home, during the time between Ab’s bedtime and when El gets home from the library.  That works.

If I go, I will be receiving the TEACH grant.  The TEACH grant is a grant worth a total of $8000 that is awarded if you pledge to teach in either a low-income area or an area of high need.  We live very close (as in like 30 miles) to Appalacia, which is a VERY low income area.  And LBD is a high need area.  I have to work in a school meeting these requirements for 4 years in order to not pay back the TEACH grant.  Ok, I can do that.

Another area of concern for me is my Field Experience.  This is unpaid experience in the school setting.  It only amounts to about 60 hours per semester (I think), but this has to be worked in around my work schedule.  Currently, I go to work at 9am.  So, I guess technically, I can go do my FE from 7:30am-9am and sacrifice a vacation day to ensure that it all gets done.  OKAY, I can do that as well.

So, honestly, I’m not sure what my problem is.  B ut, it does help just to write it out and see how it is going to work out.

• The move to Kentucky was the best thing that I have ever done for myself and Abby.  I know there were doubters.  But, for the first time ever, I live with the man I love and my beautiful little princess.  True happiness.
• Abigail is constantly amazing us.  She is a sassy, sweet, smart, and beautiful girl.  She always thinks of others before herself and I am truly blessed to be her mom. 
• Elkana is amazing.  And I’m not just saying that because people might read this (doubt it, though).  He is great with Abby and she’s in love with him.  He also knows how to handle me (even though he drives me crazy!).  He knows that it’s best to just ignore me when I get into a mood.  He knows that I whine.  And talk a LOT (wonder where Ab gets that!).  And he is great.  With both of us.
• I’ve never been good at friendships.  I can honestly say that I have MAYBE 5 friends.  I’m very bad at keeping in touch with people. 
• On the same note, the one friend that I didn’t think I would lose touch with is MIA.  And I’m unsure why.
• Elkana has a great group of friends here.  I can honestly say that Abby is thriving with the attention.  She loves having people around and I enjoy it too.
• I do miss my family.  But, hopefully they realize how much I like it here.  I think we will be sticking around for a while.
• Abigail has a great daycare.  She’s learning sign language and many many songs.  I really wanted her to go to preschool, but we don’t qualify.  She tested amazingly well when she did the testing.  A very proud moment as her mommy.
• Another proud moment is watching Abigail and Elkana interact.  Nightly, they snuggle on the couch and talk.  I’m the odd one out.  And I’m fine with it.
• I am enrolled at Georgetown College for my Master’s in Learning and Behavior Disorders.  But, I’m having second thoughts.  I need to decide VERY soon.
• This was way more than a minute and makes me realize that I need to blog more to get it all out!

2. When was the last time you threw up?
I don’t even remember!

3. What’s your favorite word or phrase?
Ok, little fella.

4. Name 5 people who made you smile today?
Elkana, Abby, ummm…co-workers and clients?

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Driving to work.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Driving back to work.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
I’m going to hit your car.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Butter Pecan

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Slim Fast

12. What are you wearing right now?
Gray pants, black sweater, black shoes, black socks, black coat (am I gothic?)

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Peanuts

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No, suprisingly

15. When was the last time you ran?
Monday morning.  It was COLD.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
basketball on tv, I’m sure.

17. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Kenya

19. Ever go camping?
I worked at a camp for a whole summer

20. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
Toliet paper

22. What is your guilty pleasure?
I’m not sure…

23. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
I use them in texts too!

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
I stopped drinking soda.

25. What did your last text message say?
Love you too! 

26. Are you someone’s best friend?
 I’m not sure.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working.

28. Where is your mom right now?
School

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
papers that need recycling

30. What color is your watch?
bling bling!

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Kangaroos

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes.  But I don’t think I could anymore

33. Birthstone?
Sapphire.  Love it.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
Drive Thru

35. Do you have any friends on facebook that you actually hate?
I don’t hate anyone. 

36. Do you have a dog?
No animals, yo!

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
a client

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Maybe

39. Any plans today?
Working.  30 day shred with Jillian Michaels.   Dinner with Ab and El.

40. From whom did you get this?
Copied from Elise’s facebook

41. Are you happy?
Yes.  VERY.

42. Where are you right now?
Work

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Ummm, no comment.

44. Last song listened to?
Stella!

45. Last movie you saw?
The new Chipmunks movie.

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Drama

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My new Nikes.  Or black dress shoes.

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
Probably.

49. Are you in a relationship?
You betcha.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
Maybe…not sure…

51. What time is it?
Time to go home.

52. Do any of your friends have children?
A few

53. Do you eat healthy?
I’m trying to get better.

54. What do you usually do during the day?
work

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
I don’t hate anyone right now…

56. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
When I answer the phone.  I think….

57. How many kids do you want when you’re older?
2

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
26.  Geez.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yea…not for a while. Not as fun as it used to be!

60. how did you get one of your scars?
I don’t have any.

Soooo much as changed since that last post. 

Elkana and I had been casually talking about me looking for jobs in Kentucky.  So, I started looking.  And me, being the super-job-getter (it is my job, anyway), found 2 positions that I was interested in.  I interviewed for both over Labor Day weekend (my 25th birthday, and the day my car insurance dropped dramatically).  One, come to find out was part-time, but the other was EXACTLY (ish) what I was doing (and enjoying) in St. Louis. 

It was really a no-brainer, now that I look back on it.  I wasn’t happy in St. Louis.  I just didn’t have that feeling of “home”.  I enjoyed my job.  Loved Abby’s daycare.  And really enjoyed being close to my family.  But, I was lonely.  I missed Elkana more than anyone could imagine.  I was tired of the long distance crap.  So, I accepted the job (with a little prodding).  Abby and I moved 2 weeks and 5 days later.  I started my job 3 weeks later.

If you aren’t around me all the time (and not many people are), you wouldn’t notice the transformation.  I feel like I almost always put on a good front.  But now, it’s not always a front.  Actually, now it’s pretty genuine.  The move hasn’t been a complete piece of cake (but pretty much).  We had problems finding an apartment on such short notice.  But, El, being Mr. Proactive, found us a 2 floor, 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhouse WITH A WASHER AND DRYER.  For HALF of what I paid in St. Louis.  I thought I found a great daycare.  And it sure looked like it from the outside…great playground, great facilities, qualified staff.  But, it just wasn’t right.  I felt like the teachers were  a little cold.  And it just wasn’t right (that mother’s instinct kicks in from time to time ).  Other than that….not so much.

I absolutely love living with Elkana.  I am pretty sure he likes it too.  Of course we have had to make compromises (toliet seat, leaving clothes on the floor, leaving the lights on, you know the normal).  But the important thing is.  We have made those compromises (I even lock the door all the time now).  It’s so nice to come home to another adult.  It’s so encouraging to have someone to talk to after Abby goes to bed.

And, I really like Kentucky.  The town we live in is about 30,000.  I work in a town of about 100,000 (okay, I don’t really know exactly).  The sizes work well.  Traffic is smooth on my 15 minute drive to work.  I don’t have to drive for 20 minutes to reach somewhere only 5 miles away.  I feel safe running in the mornings.

And no one but a single mom would know how nice it is to go grocery shopping ALONE.  Elkana does MORE than his share (honestly sometimes I feel guilty about how much he does).  Abby and El are seriously 2 peas in a pod, 99% of the time….except when he won’t let her watch her “channel”. 

Who knows what the next couple years will bring.  But right now, Abby and I have found our place.

Even though I spent most of the time trying to pick out the few Swahili words I know, I was so happy to see my favorite guy so happy.

It was so stinking adorable to see two grown men so excited to see each other.  And leaving.  It was so heart-wrenching to see two grown men so sad to leave each other. 

Aren’t they cute?

Case in point: She slept in my bed, on the side that Elkana sleeps on, and said she was keeping it warm for him.  (Makes me cry!)

And, today, when I was pondering where to go shopping, I thought to myself…I wish I had someone to go with.  It sucks.  Sometimes I feel so alone in this city.  It’s an unsettling feeling, not knowing where you belong.  I know I belong with El, but where? 

Basically, I’m feeling emo.  It will pass.